Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Who the F*** Is Alice?

Today has sucked so fucking incredibly much from 9:30 a.m until 8:30 p.m, and my life has thrown such a bitchy little tantrum, that I have sent them both to their respective rooms to think hard about what they've done. So no one is going to hear about my day today, except a quick aside to note that I have an interview for the job I want at the company. They called me at 9 a.m. on the morning after the applications period ended, so I have various appendages crossed. End real-life info, I'm just going to blather. And you have to read the blather to get the media, because that's how it is today.


Things That Fucking Rock

Arlo Guthrie's The Story of Reuben Clamso. Mad cool points plus a 10% cool points bonus and +1 to his Charisma to the Artist for finding this track while a'huntin the original Alice's Restaurant. Similarly, hurrah for The Pickle Song, the 14-year update to The Motorcycle Song. I think what I'm trying to say is that Arlo Guthrie is one of the ten coolest people alive.

Kinky Friedman's Kinky Friedman's Guide to Texas Etiquette : Or How to Get to Heaven or Hell Without Going Through Dallas-Fort Worth. I love Kinky Friedman. A lot. I read that and then laid down and forewent a nap to reread Steppin' On A Rainbow, which is what I will read tonight until I fall asleep. McGovern Lives!

My kitty family. They are the greatest little folks in the world. If I had a camera phone, which I pray God I never will, I would use it anyway to show you two very fat cats spooning each other on top of the chiffarobe. But you wouldn't be able to hear the snoring, which is the best part without a doubt.

Oh, poor old Reuben Clamso!
Clamso, me boys, Clamso...

I'm serious, you guys. It kicks all the ass that ever there was in all the world.

The fact that Chinese New Year and Ash Wednesday are on the same day this year, and that it's the year of the Cock, which could explain a lot about the suckage and fuckage in the life I'm not discussing today.

Bitch and BUST. Y'all know I spend time on BUST all the time, but I got my first issue of Bitch today, and, while I'm not a slavering devotée just yet, it was cool enough that I lent it out immediately after finishing it.

Because he was so dirty
We gave him five and thirty
Clamso, me boys, Clamso!

Shame to say it, but the Kid Rock version of Feel Like Makin' Love. Not that it's as good as the original, because it isn't, but it's longer, and very Traffic Jim's Party At the Moon Tower-esque. (For those of you who haven't taken advantage of RealPlayer-stream at WRVU despite the umpty times I have told you how awesome TV Time is, I will explain TJPatMT. But you totally should. Friday at 1 am EST. It's friggin' hilarious and the highlight of my week.)

In fact, TJPatMT rules enough to get its own entry in the things that rock. See, TJ is part of the regular crew on TV Time, and sometimes when the spirit moves him and either the slot ahead of or behind the show is empty, he will throw an impromptu Party At The Moon Tower, which is basically an hour or two of the music you would hear were you lucky enough to venture out to Portland, Pegram (Pegram Posse Represent!), or any of the other Podunks and East Jesusi around here for a field party. Lots of redneck anthems. Sweet Home Alabama and sometimes Free Bird for a change of pace. It's awesome and never announced ahead of time (much like a field party), and it's like performance art. I love you, Traffic Jim. I love TV Time too, and Me Versus You. I love basically everything these guys produce.

I love the people at the Metro Non Emergency Line for being ten shades of cool.

I love that I get to do my taxes this weekend and (hopefully) get enough money back to pay off a significant portion of my credit card.

I love my big purple comforter and my little apartment, as tornado-stricken as it may appear to be.

I don't think my job fucking rocks, quite, but it's pretty damn awesome and this promotion would be even more awesome. No more perverts!

When Debbie Harry sings in French, it fucking rocks.

My friends rock. The idea I have to decoupage my sewing machine table is awesome.

My Elvis Twin has rockin' in the genetics, just like me.

What is a moral issue? That site's whole outlook rocks my scared and sad little heart.

Jerusalem Syndrome (the blog, not the disorder). Hissyfit. Ellen Degeneres (the song by the Butchies, specifically, although Ellen's pretty nifty her own darn self).

Girl's Bike Club, the t-shirt. PvPOnline, although I recommend you look at the regular strip and not the early college stuff he's showcasing this week -- I like it, but the regular strip R0XX0R2. Queen of Wands. (Link is the strip that made me fall in love.) The adventures of M. Giant, M. Tiny, and Trash. The fact that I have an entire TWoP recap -- newest C.S.I. if you care -- which I waited to read until I was done telling all of you about stuff that's great instead of stuff that sucks, because doing that too many days in a row just drags you down and me too.

And, as always, D&D rocks, and I rock at it. (Seventh level, baby, and with my pluses I don't have to split-class until twelfth level! Which means I get to whup some hierophant azz, then settle down and become a Ranger.) It's so easy to plan your life in D&D. I love it.

What do you think Fucking Rocks? Tell me, tell me. Or if you're Janis Joplin, Tell Mama. But leave a comment in any case.

**ETA: I need to add a formal apology for being somewhat less in my Fucking Rockitude for having overlooked the beautiful, lovely, and gorgeous Tes' contributions, because I am bad about reading my archives. But she fucking rocks my world.***


At 7:11 AM, Blogger Special Sauce said...

I'm feeling distinctly Etta Jamesian in my Tell Mammatude, but that's strictly beside the point.

What fucking rocks?

Dutchie, the middleaged, well... dutchie guy who fixed my car for the grand sum of ten bucks fucking rocks. Turns out the brake shield fell where it shouldn't have, and all he had to do was rip it off.

A new CSI recap fucking rocks, because I fell alseep long before it aired last week.

Holding a conversation with Silent Bob totally fucking rocks. It does my ego wonders to say to her "Are you going to miss me today?" "Maaph!" "Are you going to torture the dog while I"m gone?" "Maaph!" "Will you ask Evil to stop peeing on my carpet?" "Maaph!" It's pretty feckin' cute.

(And having people not call the authorities because I converse with my cat also fucking rocks.)

New posts from the ET fuckin' rock too! WOo!

At 1:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree that Arlo rocks. My fave piece is "Mooses Come Walking!" I got the book from my hubby and it's just too cool. Not as cool as hearing it live, tho. Mmm.

I also think it rocks when you update bc I lurve you so! I've been too busy to pop in at BUST this week, but I can read your blog!


At 6:24 PM, Blogger Memphis Word Nerd said...

Let's see, what fucking rocks...

1) Chocolate croissants. They top the list today. I ate two of them this afternoon and now I feel like I'm going to throw up but it was completely worth it.

2) Like you said: cats. Mine are complete freaks. Cairo (little black girlie cat) is a badass, Marrakech (medium sized orange boy cat) is a chicken shit. Either way, they're a pair of spazzes. They make my world a much better place, though. Except, like last night, when they get really, really mad at me and shit on my bed. Eeew. Bleach. Lots and lots of bleach.

3) Nashvillian hippies. 'Nuff said. They're fun, they're entertaining, they're intelligent. The world needs more of them.

4) Chocolate croissants. Again.

5) My new i-Pod. Or at least, it would fucking rock if I could get it working. I have a Jurassic-5 album that I'd really like to add, not to mention some random downloads. And now that you mention Etta James...yeah, her too. "At Last" is my ring tone for one of my favorite friends. I always think of her when I hear Etta.

6) ANYONE singing in French, particularly Debbie Harry. Sunday Girl is waaay too fun for words.

7) Pills. Lots and lots of 'em. All shapes and sizes. Colors, too. Did I mention that I like pills? I really do. Aleve, Benadryl, iron tablets...oh, and some that shall not be named. It fucking rocks that a tiny little pill can fix anemia or make a 3-ton headache disappear. Or a shitty day, depending on what kind of pill you're taking. Xanax, anyone?

8) While we're on the mind altering substances tip: dirty martinis made with Gray Goose vodka. Extra dirty. Extra olives. Extra vodka. More vodka. Even more vodka. That's right, keep pouring. Keep mama happy. Now come sit on my lap, you big hunk of manmeat. Yes, you. No, not you. That guy over there. Yes, that one.

9) I already said cats but it's worth repeating. Cairo is curled up on my keyboard now. So very sweet yet simultaneously annoying.

10) Blogging. I mean seriously, who really gives a fuck what a bunch of complete strangers have to say? Yet somehow, thanks to blogging, we actually do. And we convince ourselves that complete strangers actually care what we have to say in return. Even when it comes in the form of rambling top-10 lists of things that fucking rock.

I'll throw in an eleventh for good measure: bad attitudes. They're so much fun!

At 6:52 PM, Blogger berlyberly said...

What fucking rocks?
1. My cats (I'm seeing a pattern here, but, when you are single, cats really rock).
2.My new house that I haven't moved into yet.
3.St Patrick's Day
4.My favorite black turtleneck.
5.Bob Mould
6.Joss Stone
7.Mac and cheese
8.Amy's burritos
9.The fact that someone is reading this.

At 5:23 PM, Blogger Special Sauce said...

New Jobs also fucking rock. Hope you got yours.

Come back ET... we miss you!

At 8:10 PM, Blogger Stop Snoring Exercise said...

Hi parcequilfaut, been searching the web, and came accross your site. Looking at latest info on snoring solution stop. Who the F*** Is Alice?, maybe not the perfect match-but intresting read anyway.. off to look for snoring solution stop...


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