Getting Clean

Happy New Year, Loyal Readership! I assume that, by now, all of you have achieved some state of sobriety, and am looking forward to reading all your own blog entries about your debauchery.

However, because I am lazy (well, sort of -- you'll see why I qualify that in a minute), I am just going to copy almost word-for-word the capsule review of my Amateur Night experience that I left in the comments to this post, as what I wrote there pretty much covers it:

I made it from the first party I went to (where I only had half a glass of dry champagne, because the Parce is not all about the DUI) to the second while avoiding all three DUI checkpoints, made it to CDHSarah's party in plenty of time to get ridiculously drunk (what my homies from the other side of the river would call "drizz-nunk") before the midnight hour, did not vomit or otherwise make a fool of myself*, only took off my shirt once (and that was for the "everybody take their shirt off and dance" portion of the evening), had a very nice conversation with the Artist (which was most unexpected), got a few very nice kisses from a pretty girl (basically straight, alas, but kisses were really all I wanted), got a bunch more kisses from pretty much everyone at the party as well, saw a bunch of the homies I haven't seen in a while, dealt with the night's only incident of drama in what I thought was a remarkably competent and mature fashion for someone in the state of drunkeness I was in, woke up hangover-free (albeit at 7 in the evening) and even got to work on time on New Year's Day, which is more than can be said for most people, I think. And after work, I even made it downtown just in time to eat at Big River Grille, my absolute favorite restaurant (where I now, apparently, get 25% off as a Cafe O2 employee), which meant that my first real meal of the New Year was my absolute favorite thing of all to put in my belly. Also, I booty-danced with a stuffed snowman, which was new and exciting. All in all, a good start to what I hope will be an excellent year.

Another thing that bodes an excellent start is the fact that Sars apparently found my GBC CD review on her own recognizance, and told me it "made her smile". And that I scored the very last size M girlie Saucy shirt, as well as a GBC shirt of my very own, which means I no longer have to feel inferior to my ET.

Right now I'm having a faux-Jewish post-Chanukah party by myself while I wait to see if I'm having company later and for my filet to defrost. In case you're interested, a FJP-CP consists of a semi-latke (leftover mashed potatoes fried with garlic salt, which is more yummy than it sounds) and the bags of Chanukah gelt I got for 25 cents a pop at the post-holiday sale at CVS. (If they still have any when I go back tomorrow, I'm going to buy it all; I'm not a huge candy or chocolate person, but I lurrrrve gelt for some weird reason. As does Ganesh, which makes it a handy type of prasad to keep around.)

But you may be wondering about the title, and about why I bothered to qualify my description of myself as a lazy ass.

As I mentioned before, one householdy project tends to spawn fifty million more. The kitchen of the Parcepartment had gotten out of control, y'all -- so much so that I hesitated to put any food in the fridge or freezer, because of the extreme scariness. (To give you some idea, before resolving to clean it, I did the Clarice Starling/C.S.I. trick of smearing Vick's Vapo-Rub all over my nose, mouth and philtrum to cut the funk.) Also, at some point in the past few days, one of the cats (Eldest, I'm looking at you) decided to kick over the litterbox in a fit of pique, thus causing the kitten to decide today that her proper potty was the place on the floor where the spillage had occurred. Since that's simply disgusting, I have now:
*mopped and swept the kitchen floor three times (and will give it a final swipe with no-wax cleaner here in a bit)
*prewashed and dishwashed all the dishes-formerly-containing-scariness from the aforementioned fridge
*cleaned the sink at least twice
*soaked the mop used to clean the floor in bleach
*scrubbed every inch of the fridge in bleach, including pulling out the drawers and bleaching/washing them in the sink

And, just for something to do while I was in my funky using-bleach-products clothes, I deep-cleaned the toilet while one of the mop jobs was drying. I'm leaving the bathroom sink (which has been cleaned recently, but doesn't look it because some pink powder incense got spilt in there and simply will not begone) and freezer-defrosting for another night, because as soon as I have put all this bread and potatoes in my belly, there are a large bottle of Canadian Mist whiskey and a bottle of Purity lemonade calling my name in dulcet tones. I'm about to find out if you can sort your own books satisfactorily while sloshed. It's for science, y'all.**
But for now, CDHSarah is headed down my stairs and I must go. Shalom!

*relatively speaking...come on, it was New Year's Eve, people. You have to grade on a curve, here.
** I just realized that my first post of the New Year was mostly about cleaning my apartment. I need to get laid.