My E-Mail To Bill O'Reilly

Saw this on TINO. Normally I wouldn't give Bill O'Reilly the time of day, but, inspired by the other brave TINOers, I wrote (and sent) my own letter of interest to Mr. O'Reilly, the text of which I now submit to you.

Dear Mr. O'Reilly --

Allow me to respectfully submit my qualifications to be added to your "enemies list". I assume that it has not yet been posted on billoreilly.com because of the enormous number of persons eager to stand and be counted. I would be delighted to be added and present the following as evidence of my worthiness:

1.) I am an Independent who voted for John Kerry.
2.) I am a religious pacifist who finds both the death penalty and the war in Iraq signs of our moral decrepitude, and our failure to feed the world's hungry as the same.
3.) I am not a heterosexual, do not believe in the special "sanctity" of heterosexual marriage, and know lots and lots of good gay daddies.
4.) I believe in civility in discourse, that certitude leads to corruption and decay, that constantly questioning in order to refine has been and remains the heart of the American ideal, especially as it affects our interpretation of the Constitution and other seminal documents written by the Founders.
5.) Speaking of those guys, I do not believe they were Christians; they were Deists. Therefore, all "this is a Christian nation" arguments appear specious and irrelevant to me.
6.) I love Islam, finding in it, as much as any faith which I do not practice, a valid path to union with the Divine.
7.) I think Al Franken and Molly Ivins are both lovely people, very intelligent and funny.
8.) Although I would not, personally, have an abortion, finding it inconsistent with my personal and deeply held religious and spiritual beliefs, I do not oppose the free access to abortion nor think that it should be either the decision or the concern of anyone but the woman in question.
9.) I don't think there's anything wrong with performing the Vagina Monologues in a high school.
9.) If for no other reason than Joseph McCarthy being the guy who thought it was necessary, I don't think the words "under God" belong in the Pledge.
10.) I don't believe George Bush was legitimately elected President, and think history will show that his years in office resulted in a more divided, weaker, and corrupt America.

These proofs may be enough; if not, please feel free to contact me for further proofs and letters of recommendation.

Sincerely,
parcequilfaut

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Signed my real name to that. Would do it anytime.