Saturday, March 26, 2005

Go, Go, Go, Go

Sometimes, nothing but 50 Cent will do. Especially when you feel like cappin' folks and slappin' hos. And if you watch how I move, you just might mistake me for a playa or pimp. If you're blind.

***

The verdict is in. I'm back on iron rations. I am not taking this well or with dignity.


But you should love it way more than you hate it..Nigga, you mad?

***

Now that you ask, Fiddy, yes, I am. Allow me to elucidate, my friend:

Little man who called me today,

I understand that it probably sucks to be 73, deaf, on Social Security, and a coin collector forced to purchase from my network.

That said, there is no excuse for you. Your purchase records for the past 6 months are going to be in your mailbox on Monday, because like I told you, they were mailed on Thursday, but you wasted 45 minutes of the best money-making time I would have had all day by berating me because I couldn't review every order you'd placed since January all at once, or speak without the accent that is, um, a part of my speech. The fact that not a single one of those payments you had your little knickers in a twist about were coming up any sooner than three weeks from now made me so angry in retrospect that you are quite lucky that I am not Bill Cosby in Ghost Dad, because this pacifist wanted to jump through the phone and choke the shit out of you.

I would tell you to fuck off and die, but you will, without my assistance. In the meantime, I just wanted to tell you that you're an asshole, and I hope they flag you for ER soon so I never have to speak to you again.

Also, a "thank-you" after that length of time can be perfunctory, but is absolutely required in a civilized society, which you apparently do not inhabit. Remember Robert Heinlein's suggestion of making bad manners a capital offence? You're the fucking poster child, old man.

No love,
your operator

***

TV Time ruled, of course. I had forgotten last night WAS TV Time. Topic: God is A Diva. Much hilarity was had, and yours truly was referred to as one of the TVT "Legends" for the first time. Also, Hawkeye. I heart Hawkeye. And Miss TV Time, all fucked up, threatening to kill a bitch who thought she'd try and take the title. (After last year when Miss TVT refused to give up her crown, the rules were changed so that she is Queen for Life unless someone can take her crown in a fight. And I know Miss TVT, and she fights dirty.)

You know you are awesome when you can IM your local radio station to call your phone because you've lost it in your apartment, and they not only will, without question, but will do so three times, which is how long it takes to find the phone, and leave funny messages on your voice mail every time.

***

Lunchtime tomorrow will be a CwMM, since neither of us have religious obligations tomorrow: transcript to follow, but probably not until Monday at the very earliest because I'm working swing shift, then first shift, and I will not be in any position to post when I get home tomorrow night.

***

Lovies to all of you who told my kitties how beautiful they are. And, happy Easter, if you're into that.

Quote from the WinAmp:

"Now I stretch your neck out and play it like the banjo." Damn right.

4 Comments:

At 3:37 AM, Blogger Memphis Word Nerd said...

You are a mass of contradictions, in the best possible way. I like how impossible you are to categorize. The world needs more people like (but not the same as) you.

Just thought I'd send a little sunshine your way; your blog always brightens my day.

 
At 3:37 AM, Blogger Memphis Word Nerd said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 8:00 AM, Blogger Special Sauce said...

mmm. Fitty.

I could find the old guy from today, and tell him they're taking away his subscription to "Geezers Quarterly" and revoking his right to wear high-waisted plaid polyester pants with mismatched cardigans because he's being a jerk. If his behavior doesn't improve, the next thing to go are his oatmeal & stewed prune priveliges.

Bastard.

(him. Not you.)

Enjoy lunch today, and we'll all enjoy hearing about it, when you're back to posting!

 
At 9:17 AM, Blogger parcequilfaut said...

Thankee, MWN!

And Fiddy for Prez...a ho on every corner, a blunt in every hand, coke prices fixed...............no, I got nothin'.

Any of you who can tell me how to properly hook up a VCR, please do. Because I don't get it, and I HAVE one that works, and I can't make it show on the picture box. Argh.

 

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